You don't want to be "THAT GUY" at a networking event
DISCLAIMER: GUY is an acronym for Gender Undetermined Yet.
You have seen them. We all have. If you don't recognize the following description i implore you to look in the mirror. If you find that i am describing you, i respectfully request that you make some changes. At the very least, don't attend the same events i do.
The individual i am describing is the one who comes up to you with a fake smile and their business card in the hand they intends to shake yours with. They don't want to learn about you, just to add you to his database.
You see somewhere along the way, they learned that whoever has the most contacts wins. While that could be the case, last i checked there was no prize and networking isn't a game. Its a way to help others others and hopefully yourself along the way.
So you and "that guy" are engaged in conversation and you find yourself wondering if you are in fact talking to "that guy". Here are some identifying factors you should be able to recognize:
They tell you all about themselves and their business without asking a question of you or being invited to do so. Just when you think its your turn to speak, poof their off to talk to someone else.
They spend the duration of your conversation looking around the room to see who else is there. They certainly don't want to speak with you if there may be someone better to meet.
Poor listening skills. Lets assume you're granted the opportunity to speak. You will likely be interrupted or just feel that you aren't really being heard.
The individual has a bad case of oneupmanship. You know the drill, anytime you say something, this individual relates a story to what you said that in their mind was way cooler than what you did.
They tell you about their cool newsletter and that they will be sending you one.
They name drop so you will be impressed with all the cool folks they know.
The real problem with "that guy" is that most people feel the same way about them. So when it comes to leveraging the relationships they have, you quickly realize that they have very little...both leverage and relationships.
There are lots of people you can be at a networking event, "that guy" is not one of them.
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I have an example of "That Guy."
I won't call him out publicly, but if he ever comes to this forum (it was a non-MCC event), he'll know who he is. And he hopefully will understand why I won't call him and then change his ways.
I was talking with an acquaintance of mine that owns a pharmacy in the WSU district and this guy - we'll call him Mr. Clueless - walks up, and just puts his business card in both of our hands, in the middle of our conversation, and expects us to pay attention to him. Knowing the other person, we shoot each other knowing looks and completely ignore him as that was beyond rude to do that in our opinion.
A few minutes later, I am sitting at a table and I'm hunted by Mr. Clueless. I look around the room for help and an out, and alas, none are found within the art-deco paneled walls of the establishment (now maybe I know a touch of what it feels like to be a woman having "that annoying guy" hound her at the bar. It was almost panic).
I take a long swallow of my Jack Daniels and Coke (well poured, thank goodness) and brace myself for a bad business pickup line. I half expected him to ask me my sign, or if I came here often.
"So, I see you own a business. We do employee payroll and ......" Mr. Clueless continued on, but I stopped listening awhile back. There was some stuff about benefits, and insurance, a veritable laundry list of things I half-understood or if I did, it got lost as he threw up way too much on me.
I took a napkin, wiped up the sales puke off of my polo shirt, and composed myself.
"Hmmm. Okay. So what makes you different? Seems like your competitors are people like Orbis. I'm all for supporting the smaller guy, but what is it about XYZ (name withheld) that sets you apart.. you know, a specialty or a quality makes your company better than the rest," I reply, very interested to see if he can redeem himself by being so valuable I can forgive his social awkwardness. Socially awkward happens. Maybe he's new to this.
And then he proceeds to repeat what he said before, adding the word "service" as he nervously attempts to answer my question. Possibly he's never been asked before. Possibly, he doesn't know. Possibly, he's working for a company he dislikes.
I then ask Mr. Clueless about his company website and if I can find out more information - he then talks about how I won't find much there and to just call him. I felt like saying, "don't you realize that somewhere between 80-90% of the new people you meet visit your website before making the decision to call you or take your call?"
Regardless, complete strikeout.
I thanked him for his interest and we separated. Fortunately for me, I got away with not giving him my business card, which I was quite happy about (I had two copies of his card, however).
That's the GUY.
Sadly, that is just one form of the GUY. They are like shapeshifters. They understand the most annoying ways to approach you and BAM, do it.
Hopefully by reading through this section and interacting with the many good people here on MCC, you will learn how to not only avoid being, but totally avoid that GUY.
Excellent point Terry!
I've met many of that GUY in my years of networking. They also seem to be in a contest with themselves to meet every single person in the room.
Susan
Perhaps many of us have fallen short of the idea from time to time. Instead of focusing on the "what not to do" behaviors, perhaps we could have a discussion of networking best practices.
A view point from the Face Reader ----Two different types of people can fall into this pattern.
I agree with everything that has been said and many people have adapted this behavior due to their lack of understanding that people do business with people they know, like, and trust.
However there is also the person with the forward jetting chin (Jay Leno would be this chin to the extreme) Their chin and mouth are literally in front of their brain. Spontaneous speech is hard wired in their brain. They have absolutely NO idea that to the vast majority of us on the planet they are simply RUDE! They are treating you the way they want to be treated....the right way according to their brain.
Now that we all have an understanding of the person with the forward jetting chin - we can adapt a perspective of letting these people know that those of us who for most part our chin is in alignment with our forehead (most American's chins are at least slightly ahead of the forehead) we can take a different attitude and let the forward jetting chins of the world know that their style is often read as rude and disrespectful.
I am telling you guys.....you ALL need to learn face reading, it will change how you see the people of the world and more importantly you learn how the world sees you.
I agree, Jeff! And, I think Jeremiah was exemplary in asking questions - ultimately trying to give Mr. Clueless a bit of a clue.
One thing we could all do, when confronted with GUYs, is to seek out the hosts of the networking event, and suggest that they bring Terry Bean in to facilitate a networking etiquette workshop...
I agree with Jeff as well. Every encounter is an opportunity to uncover as Jeremiah did. Perhaps he helped Clueless more than he knows.
Funny you should bring this up...
MCC happens to have a Membership Committee. And one of the things this Membership Committee is committed to doing is creating a list of Networking Best Practices! Rachel Williams and I are two of the people working on this (she just asked me this morning to get together and get working on this...). If you would like to join Rachel and me, please let us know. If you have ideas/suggestions/nominations for networking best practices, please give them to us. We promise to come up with the definitive list.
And, I second Linda's vote for a Terry Bean-led workshop on networking ettiquette. I also happen to be a member of the Kaizen (Growth & Development) Committee, and it's one of the ideas for a workshop that we've been tossing about. Look for a survey coming soon from Preston about workshop/seminar ideas, and if you like this one, be sure to put it down.
Also, if you have a suspicion that you might be in THAT GUY-land (in the outer suburbs???), I would highly encourage you to contact Terry and look at hiring him to support you in moving to another "land" ("Go Giver-ville?). He's an amazing resource for each of us.
Lin, your advice is priceless - thank you so much for explaining the forward-jutting jaw. There is a lesson for everyone in your message - I doubt anyone wakes up in the morning thinking "oh, boy, another day in which I can go around being rude to people!"
As Lin says, what we can all learn from face reading will change the way we see the world, and give us understanding of how the world sees us... and it doesn't get any better than that!
Terry,
Why do I think everytime someone brings up "that guy", it's the SAME GUY.
Thoughts?
You may be right, Robert - - the challenging part is that "that guy" changes his name, his company, his gender (and his pants)!
I agree that it is important to show what to do, but occassionaly we learn best by knowing what not to do. There are lots of things posted on what to do now ;-)